It started 7 years ago…


Since then, some parts have changed.


but the idea has stayed the same.

Now presenting…

The Velociraptor™!

The pinnacle of modern technology, The Velociraptor™ is the perfect weapon for all your daily needs! This isn't just any velociraptor, this is The Velociraptor™.

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Features:

- Dual Ak-47s

The raptor comes fully armed and ready to attack, and I am not just talking about its teeth. Do you need a war started? This is for you.

- Jetpack.

This is not just a walking nightmare… it’s a flying nightmare.
This amazing leap forward in technology is powered by a large missile I found in an old shed. But regardless of its origins, it is without a doubt that you will enjoy the velociraptor.

- Roller Skates

When flying is not enough for you, this dinosaur comes equipped with a set of roller skates. Not only does it kill from the skies, but it also kills it on the dance floor.
(For the small price of 99.99 you can get upgraded skates with dual v6s installed in each of them for maximum propulsion, talk to your local agent today!)

- A Mustache

This mustache is not simply to impress any female raptors. In our most recent scientific tests, it was proven to add up to 10 percent more efficiency during flight because of something our scientists are referring to as the “mustache effect.” If you can explain why this works, we will ship a free test version of The Velociraptor™ to your address.

- A sombrero

This not only looks classy, it also protects you from the sun when flying at high altitudes!

Testimonials

From actual customers.

”I bought this to go pick up my groceries. Now the store is demolished. 10/10.”

-Karen P, local mom.

”I asked for a bike, but instead, I got a murder lizard with a mustache! It’s the best bday present ever!”

-Timmy, local seven year old, and future terrorist.

”My neighbors dog kept leaving gifts for me on my lawn. This thing works better than any guard dog I could purchase. By the way, do you want some hot dog? They are 100 percent homemade!”

-John S, neighborhood menace.

"I bought this to intimidate my friends. And now I am the president! Highly recommended to anyone hoping for a future in politics!"

-Jerald R, politician.

” ★★★★⯪WOULD ABSOLUTELY RECOMMEND. I initially bought it as a sort of guard dog to protect my house from burglars, now there's no chance they'll break in. that's because there's nothing to break into but that's why it's only 4.5/5”

-Solent, simple planes user.

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FAQ

Q. Is it safe?

A. No.

Q. Does it need to be fed?

A. Only your enemies. (Or maybe your children, we still have to fine tune those settings…)

Q. Is it possible to housetrain it?

A. Absolutely not.

Q. Can I get different styles for the mustache?

A. We are currently testing different styles such as a pyramid and a walrus. However, as of now this is not a customizable option.

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Gallery:

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Credit to Windshifter1 for all these screenshots. Go check him out… after you purchase The Velociraptor™ for yourself!

Currently, the top model of The Velociraptor™ is .0000001 percent off, for the amazing price of 900,000,000,000,000 dollars! But act quickly, they are selling out fast. Call or visit our website to purchase The Velociraptor™ today!

Legal disclaimer:
Your purchase of The Velociraptor™ is protected by a 0 day warranty that is void upon eye contact with the beast. We are not responsible for damage to property, one’s person, or the persons of others.
By purchasing this unit, you accept full responsibility for all the consequences, including, but not limited to the following:
-damage to property or persons
-accidental declaration of war
-murder
-governmental surveillance
-anything and everything else that goes wrong.