starting with me first, okay?

I went to a psychiatrist yesterday, only to be told yesterday that I only need friends, n.g. I only have a few friends, and even then you can count them on your fingers.

Oh yeah, btw, I'm close to a girl, it's been about a week since we chatted, and even then, she's sometimes really slow to respond, even though I'm the only one excited.

It's been a few weeks since I started having relapses, it feels like I'm getting crazier, suddenly sometimes I hear whispers near my ears, or sometimes I suddenly see things that are unclear in form, basically I feel like I'm really crazy, even though my bipolar should have started to calm down, it's starting to relapse again, I actually can't take it anymore, I've often diverted my attention to not think about things like that, but what should I do, I'm also confused, sometimes I really think about committing suicide (please don't ban me just because of these words) and I've also been very sleepy lately, I've also started to eat less, I don't know why when I eat I feel really full, even if I take in a little food I throw up, yesterday I had blood in my shit, sometimes I get nosebleeds. I also feel like people are getting further and further away, only my journal can be my friend, like I have no other friends besides that journal. you could even say, a day I can spend 3 pages writing about today and that day. oh yeah I also write novels heheheh, but sometimes I feel really lazy to continue, sometimes I have no energy, instead the ideas that should be poured into a novel are just stuck in my mind ehehehe.

so friends for those there, it's okay to be strengthened, we are all having trouble together, you are not alone, me too hehe, so if you want to tell a story, you can definitely send me an email, I will answer it, we suffer together, we will also be at the top together, the point is we will grow wings and we will rise whatever the reason, love you gang wherever you are heheheh.

I'm sorry if I keep yapping. I'm so sorry guys, once again I apologize.