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Job Security With Graingy: How Not To Do IT.

47.6k Graingy  2 months ago

A memo was recently sent out to all Graingy manufacturing facilities.
I'll let it speak for itself:

Supply chain delays are expected due to a temporary loss in production capacity at the Nunavut plant courtesy of a software issue involving the secondary backup control system of Reactor No.5 in the nuclear plant.

In summary, it has been discovered that a senior programmer, who has worked their position for over 55 years, had replaced the entirety of the secondary backup controller's programming with a nigh-incomprehensible set of instructions written in the esoteric INTERCAL programming language. For reference, the following is an example of a standard "Hello World" program written in said language:

DO ,1 <- #13
PLEASE DO ,1 SUB #1 <- #238
DO ,1 SUB #2 <- #108
DO ,1 SUB #3 <- #112
DO ,1 SUB #4 <- #0
DO ,1 SUB #5 <- #64
DO ,1 SUB #6 <- #194
DO ,1 SUB #7 <- #48
PLEASE DO ,1 SUB #8 <- #22
DO ,1 SUB #9 <- #248
DO ,1 SUB #10 <- #168
DO ,1 SUB #11 <- #24
DO ,1 SUB #12 <- #16
DO ,1 SUB #13 <- #162
PLEASE READ OUT ,1
PLEASE GIVE UP

Long story short, the programmer's pay has been docked and the circumstances of their seemingly unmonitored access to such vital safety systems has gone under investigation. Initial findings suggest that the system's software, being a long-term high-reliability routine, had not been checked since 1983. Modifications to the proven system had been deemed unnecessarily risky for no real gain, so had been barred. Unfortunately, the key to the access panel was lost in 1985 resulting in the lock being removed, yet it was never replaced, giving the now-senior programmer the access they needed.

The conversion of the system was reportedly performed over the last 25 years with the stated intention being to prevent the programmer's replacement with newer personnel by ensuring nobody else could understand the unusual code.

It is important to note that this system was a backup of a backup, so its functional-yet-clunky current state does not represent any real safety risk. Regardless, it has been a matter of good protocol to shut down the reactor while the system is either reprogrammed or replaced, thus leading to the aforementioned reduced plant capacity.

Further updates will be supplied as work progresses.

Yeah...
Fun.

If anyone here knows INTERCAL, we're hiring. Only three other people currently working for Graingy claim any real degree of competence with the language. This system isn't simple either, nor does Reactor No.5 have any like models anywhere else on Earth from which to copy the programming (that was apparently never archived), so it'll be a long job to get it back online while meeting safeguard standards.

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    47.6k Graingy

    @THEOKPILOT I like your funny words magic man

    +1 one month ago
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    5,774 THEOKPILOT

    @Graingy Sounds like decompiling.
    Like they wrote the program using a certain system, and to edit it, you need to decompile it so you get the original source code. Compilers change the code, intentionally removing or transforming information that is useful for humans (or martian rocks), but not for machines. So it is really hard to "unfuck" said code.
    There is a really great video talking about how hard it is to decompile, here.

    one month ago
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    47.6k Graingy

    @THEOKPILOT I have no idea, I'm not a programmer.
    They need to unfuck the computer. That's as much as I can tell you.

    one month ago
  • Profile image
    5,774 THEOKPILOT

    @Graingy Ohhh....
    So like decompiling!

    one month ago
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    47.6k Graingy

    @THEOKPILOT We need to reverse engineer the old system from its INTERCAL conversion. The original was incredibly reliable, so much so that it was assumed stable for decades (of course, it was actually being gradually replaced, but that's besides the point).
    We need to figure out what the original code was and get it back. Unfortunately there's some peculiar aspects to the INTERCAL conversion. so simply making some sort of translator would not work so well as we'd hope.
    If I'm remembering right, the original was written in our proprietary GSTOS system. That is, Graingy Standard Technical Operating System. We use it in tons of stuff since it's very well suited to our industrial needs. However, that also means that not only do we need people who know INTERCAL, but we also need them to be able to work with the GSTOS monkeys.

    one month ago
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    5,774 THEOKPILOT

    Why not use like, DOS? Or maybe have DOS only to interface with the system, while keeping the core code the same. I get that it's probably inferior and all that, but a lot of people here know DOS.

    one month ago
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    47.6k Graingy

    @V We need to reverse engineer the system back from INTERCAL. That's it.

    one month ago
  • Profile image
    38.6k V

    @Graingy I'll leave you a business card for when you run out of programmers

    one month ago
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    47.6k Graingy

    @32 You’re going on a very special list.
    @V They’re too important, and the old system works well enough. No need to replace it.

    +1 one month ago
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    38.6k V

    It's probably a good idea to switch out the outdated reactor systems with a modern PLC system that uses a standardized programming language like funky trees. It's what Amtek DMRs use in their control systems.

    +1 one month ago
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    32.6k 32

    @Graingy my boss said I’m a “challenging worker”, whatever that means

    one month ago
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    47.6k Graingy

    @32 I can assure you, you’d make it a hundred times worse.

    one month ago
  • Profile image
    32.6k 32

    Hire me, I don’t know INTERCAL but I do know how to pull up hackertyper.com and hit random letters on my keyboard

    +3 2 months ago
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    42.7k BOSSentinel

    @Graingy nvm…

    2 months ago
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    47.6k Graingy

    @Technicalstrat I know what Fallout is.
    The relevance to this post is what I'm not seeing.

    +1 2 months ago
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    42.7k BOSSentinel

    @Graingy it’s fallout.

    2 months ago
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    47.6k Graingy

    @Technicalstrat Look, while I don't speak much of my personal life on this site, I am not in the mood for this kind of nonsense.
    Please take it elsewhere. I just don't have the energy to entertain it.

    +1 2 months ago
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    42.7k BOSSentinel

    @Graingy 25 years after the Chinese bombs..

    2 months ago
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    47.6k Graingy

    @Technicalstrat What?

    2 months ago
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    42.7k BOSSentinel

    Vault 76

    2 months ago