[Note: This was transcribed by Grain Guy from the ramblings of Graingy CEO U. Geminus in a personal meeting. I tried my hardest to remove the worst of the tangents. Tried.]
[Note 2: Do not work for a shapeshifting god. It may sound fun, but... just read the following. You'll see.]

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[Geminus merges out of his office chair into a roughly humanoid form with a slide whistle sound.]

So you wanna get rid of aliens, eh?

Well, that's just AWESOME.
No, really, it is. You get to blow up some self-righteous mofos from the star place in space and make them regret continuing their race!
And I get an excuse to say really dumb stuff like that!
INCREDIBLE!

Cough cough

YYEAAAHHH!!!!

[The following 10 minutes were just Geminus being loud for no reason.]

So that's why-
Oh, right. Aliens.
Yes, how to -n't them and all that.

So, first thing's first,

[For whatever reason Geminus's form changes from a copper foil statue to a featureless 3m tall white cone of unclear composition.]

you're going to want to work out what the Aliens are.
Are they Star Trek rubber foreheads? Are they little green men? Are they like Enstrarchs and thus not-fish? Space sheep? How about warfungals? Do they exist on some other plane of existence?
All of these things you must consider!

Why?

Because size often is closely tied to puntability. As an example: the other day some sapient rodent tried to sneak through the new portal between hither and yon. Soon afterwards they got to learn what Mach 40 at 85,000 feet feels like.

[Note: Mousewithamachine122, we're having a talk later.]

Granted, I could do the same to just to just about anything, but you get the picture.
Being little makes it easier to send them back the direct route.

[Geminus, who had taken on an increasingly fast spin, suddenly shifts into a more standard human form. It is off, however, with uncanny textures showing disregard for refinement in that moment.]

But what if they're too big? Or you missed leg day? Or, even worse, they're in a spaceship, you're not, and you lack any familial relation to them with which you could use as leverage?

Well, now things have just gotten interesting!

I recommend first trying diplomacy.
If you wonder why I wouldn't suggest trying that before attempting the punt check, it's because launching tiny creatures with the divine might of the boot is jolly good fun.

First, ask them things like "Can we talk this out," and "Bro pls".
Then, try things like "We will respond accordingly to aggression," and "I'll dampen your pillows," or "[{TT=-5=10:I:LNCDe:401192233221202=Tru}]",

[Note: That last one was very hard to catch.]

as such things will help them understand that you have standards. Or, at least, make them think you have standards.
If all else fails here, just threaten them. "Flare," if they know the reference, can be incredibly effective as it usually means that one of our yellow bastards

[Note: Referring to either MS or PS units.]

is very quickly on their way.
One time Cursed Ivanovich, y'know, the glitchy one,

[Note: Soian associate and novelty-on-shelf with tendency to phase between universes. See this or this for more info.]

got himself surrounded by a bunch of generic lizardy, chitiny lookin' aliens. While he totally could have handled them and their stupid ray guns on his own, he wasn't feeling it so instead called Flare. Despite the terms of our agreement.

[Note: Soian warranties, the lending of a dimensional manipulation device, are incredible complex in their terms and frankly I really can't blame Ivan here.]

One of them knew the signal and decided to just kill themselves instead.
Of course, that set off a reaction from the others thinking that Ivan used some sort of wacko mind control on the dead one to make them self-off. Nevertheless, by the time they could do anything disposal had already begun.

[Geminus presented 6 more methods, all of which requiring the Aliens to be familiar with the Soian Empire. Number 4 involved crucifying a giant Teletubby, which, admittedly, would probably work regardless of whether or not the target audience knows of Soia, albeit perhaps for different reasons.]

So talking is a sham. Ivan would probably flick me for saying that, but if you're like me you can afford to be stupid sometimes.
Heh.
He's right, though. Gotta give it to him, for a mortal mind he's surprisingly bright.
Anyhow, kill.

Bombs, rockets, bullets, nukes. BlackBeam, if you have a warrant. All these classy methods will do!
Or not. I mean, BlackBeam, probably, but you get what I mean.
Though if you're living in a world where a single museum ship can take on an alien vessel, I think you'll be fine.

[I inform Geminus that the Sirens are, in fact, in this class.]

I know, Grain. I know.
But yes, bombs'll do. That simple. Throw a bunch of exploding rocks at them faster than they can do the same at you.
It's that simple.
There's hardly a fancy way. Maybe jam some stuff, if you can, but for the most part just outdo them in raw force.

Now, since Soia

[Geminus spontaneously reaches a temperature in excess of 200 million degrees Celsius. The office, nor myself, did not disintegrate, most certainly because Geminus was holding its form together in direct influence.]

is able to out-boom anyone in the Greater Multiverse, we're well, well, well accustomed to taking a knee and holstering the CER

[Note: Type of Soian handheld artillery.]

to fight lower factions with fisticuffs.
As a result, we do know tactics.

For example,

[Note: The examples I heard here are most definitely classified and probably something I shouldn't have known about. My only remark: Good lord.]

-so they divorced immediately.

Those "Siren" things.
You want to trap them, I'd reckon.
I haven't paid too much mind to reports, but from what little I've cared to read it sounds like they try to escape when the going gets tough.

Don't let them.

Many times throughout Soian history a unit has lost its dimensional mobility to some sort of damage and been temporarily stranded, often in a very vulnerable state, especially for lower marks, until self-repair can do its job.

[Geminus dropped temperature back to normal. I still don't know what he does this stuff. I think it may be his equivalent of twiddling thumbs.]

Still, a broken portal device is a major knee-shot. It's rarely a "you're stuck in here with me" situation if they're already trying to escape. Not always, though.
Exhibit A: Soian units, but those Siren blimpheads definitely aren't that.

Analyze for that weakness and I think you'll have a much better time.

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[It cannot be said for certain if Geminus's fairly obvious advice is genuine, or if he's just planning to sit back with metaphorical popcorn and watch things get worse.]