Official Communication from Churro Zapato, Supreme Leader of the Glorious Republic of Spin
April, 1947

To the cowards of Unity Ding-Dong: you have committed an atrocity that shakes the very crust of the earth. In your blind arrogance, you dropped fire from the heavens upon our ally, No-See Jerry, in a disgraceful act of treachery that will not go unanswered. You seem to forget that the Republic of Spin is no backwater patchwork of sheep and teacups — we are an economic colossus whose industries churn with unstoppable fury, our factories blazing day and night to arm the most sophisticated and thunderous military ever known. While you sip your lukewarm tea and stumble through rain-drenched ruins, we move steel, oil, and blood across continents. One command from me, and your empire of crumbling fog will be reduced to dust.

Let this be crystal clear: Spin does not forgive. Spin does not forget. We are the spearpoint of global power, the master architect of influence, and the supreme military juggernaut upon which the sun never dares set. Our air fleets outnumber your birds tenfold, our naval guns can vaporize your coasts before your parliament can whimper a single word, and our soldiers — fierce, loyal, fanatical — wait eagerly for my signal. You have one chance to kneel, to crawl, and to beg. Should you choose pride, know that the Republic of Spin will erase Unity Ding-Dong from every map, every memory, and every future. The fire you unleashed will be returned a thousandfold. You stand at the edge of a precipice, staring down into a chasm carved not by time, but by the wrath of Spin. Our patience has limits, and you have scraped its bottom with nuclear arrogance. Your monarchy is a porcelain doll in a furnace, and your cities — soft, exposed, bloated with false security — will be the first to feel the crack of our vengeance. The world watches now, and they will remember what happens when Unity Ding-Dong dares cross a titan. You have awakened an intrepid force that does not bluff, does not retreat, and will not be silenced.

We are not bound by convention, by treaties, or by fear. We are driven by legacy, by fire, and by the unbreakable will of our people. The engines of war are already turning, the skies are already darkening, and the storm of Spin is approaching with relentless certainty. While you cling to the tattered myth of your former glory, know that a new era is coming — one forged under the iron banner of Spin. This is the final tolling of your bell, the last whisper of mercy before the roar.

This is not a threat. This is a promise.